Rejoice

A mish-mash of feelings.  I hate it.  It's Christmas Day and I'm about to choose to rejoice.  Memories just kill me, so I stifle them to keep from being heartbroken.  Even the good ones make me long for times past, and it's just not possible to recapture two little boys, healthy parents, and a granddaughter that wasn't meant to breathe.

 

We aren't able to get to Macon each Christmas because we have Christmas Eve communion service.  I don't begrudge that because it's so meaningful - it's as much a part of Christmas now as being the mother to two little boys years ago.  But, it was made clear to me last night that our oldest son wanted us there.  And it became clearer to me more than ever before that Christmas wasn't about the birth of a Savior to him, but about family.

 

Now, there's nothing wrong with family celebrations.  If I am going to celebrate anything it's best done with family, whether blood or Christ-related.  But, I have to ask myself where we went wrong.  We had Santa, gifts, cookies, etc. but, we also did all the truly important things.  We had family devotions, made Christmas ornaments that centered on the Babe, and read the stories of the birth of the Savior, of Simeon, and wise men.  When did he lose that?  Or, maybe the better question is when did I lose that?

 

Because, as I took a break from baking sugar cookies this morning and sat on the floor in the living room with David as he watched a Christmas special I heard Allison Krauss singing so sweetly in her pure voice, "O come, let us adore Him."  My heart aches because of separation from my son and parents, but it aches more because my son and I have missed the point. 

For a Child is born to us, a Son is given to us. Isaiah 9:6

I'll stop the desire to cry over sweet memories of little boys at play on Christmas morning, of hearing our oldest when he was 5 yrs old singing softly in the backseat of the car "Silent Night".  I'll stifle the heartache of burying a tiny baby girl and thoughts of what might have been.  It's time to rejoice because my Savior was born.  It's time to put Him where He belongs.  I'll fix my eyes and my heart on Christ.