I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge about to jump off. So I ran over and said, “Stop! Don’t do it! There’s so much to live for!”

He said, “Like what?”

I said, “Well, are you religious or atheist?”

“Religious”

I said, “Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian”

I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant”

I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist”

I said, “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God”

I said, “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God or Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God”

I said, “Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”

He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.”

I said, “Die heretic scum!” And I pushed him off.

~Emo Phillips

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